In Like a Lion

Monday, March 1, 2010
12:30 AM  Rabbit, Rabbit!

So far this "trusting the Universe" thing is really working out for me.  I had a fantastic week, and I'm in a fantastic mood.  The week started off right by getting to visit Steph in Boston.  I had Monday off, so I took a bus back to Boston Monday morning and spent the rest of the day trying to get organized.  Tuesday was a regular day at work, but I had extended Ticket Office, which is always entertaining.  People call asking for everything besides tickets to shows we are able to provide tickets for.  They want to know how to get tickets to 'The View' (not on our network), or tickets to 'The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien' (no longer in existence), or they want you to book them on a show... as a guest.  People are ridiculous, but they are entertaining.  And they crack me up.  It's good to be able to laugh at work.

On Wednesday I had a resume review, which was really helpful.  I finally feel like my resume is up to par, and I can start applying to assignments.  I'm applying to my first one tomorrow, so wish me luck!  Since I'm considered "young" in the program, a lot of positions aren't open to me yet, but I'm really excited about this one.  At the very least it's good to get my name out there and maybe get some interview experience. 

Thursday was probably the best day this week though...  At the monthly meeting I found out I got the award for 'Page of the Month,' officially named the 'Performance Award for Outstanding Tour Operations.'  I was absolutely shocked and thought I was going to start crying in the middle of the meeting!  I went all red and started shaking and stuttering.  When I recovered, I found out that I got a certificate, a $50 American Express gift card and... A SHINY NEW PIN FOR MY PAGE JACKET!!!  I was more excited about the pin than anything else!  Anyway, the award is given away each month and it goes to the page who receives the most positive comments on comment cards left by guests who take the studio tours.  Considering I've only been touring for a month, it was a pretty big deal!  In a job like mine, where you're not given a lot of feedback on a regular basis, it was nice to get a "pat on the back."  It's a pretty cool honor that still makes me smile as a write about it :)

Nothing could really top Thursday, but the week continued to be great.  Friday night there was a huge party in honor of two older pages who are graduating from the program, and it was a really great night.  Pages know how to party!  I've definitely met my kind of people :)  We started at an apartment and then moved on to a bar called Carnival, which is a bar that is full of carnival games!  It was too cool.  I only wish I could have stayed later... but I had to tour at 9 am the next day!

Saturday tours went along smoothly, despite the lack of sleep from the night before, and that evening Maria came to see me!  I hadn't seen her since July, so it was great to catch up over dinner.  She introduced me to Four Square, which I am now absolutely obsessed with.  After dinner we went to a bar, where Erin met us, but I left around 11 pm because I was having trouble staying awake!  I came home, got in my jammies, and watched Saturday Night Live until I fell asleep.  It was the first SNL that I didn't have to work, so it was funny to watch the show, knowing all the craziness that is happening behind the scenes!

This morning (er, ok, afternoon) I woke up after a solid 11 hours of sleep and felt like a new person.  I hung around all day, watching the Olympics, cleaning my room, and eventually wandering over to the grocery store to pick up some baking supplies.  I Skyped with Mom, Dad, and Kaitlyn and watched the USA v. Canada game, and then Mike met me at my apartment, and we went to Ost Cafe down on E. 12th St.  We had a really nice time sipping wine and talking about our friends from home.  When I got back, I had a late dinner, Skyped with Steph, and baked a DELISH Apple Cinnamon Crumb Cake.  Most of it came in a prepackaged Pillsbury bread mix box, but I'm still pretty proud of myself for taking it from Apple Cinnamon Bread to Apple Cinnamon Crumb Cake.  Making it was even more of a challenge than I anticipated because I realized shortly into the process that I had nothing to measure any of the ingredients with!  I also don't have a thermometer for my oven, so the whole thing was a guessing game.  It came out great though, and my whole apartment smells deliciously apple-cinnamony.

I have tomorrow off, as well, and I'm hoping to be uber-productive... once I spend a bit more time catching up on sleep.  This coming week should be good too -- Jess is coming to see Late Night on Thursday, and I'll be getting together with the girls of 426 next Saturday.  I feel like I'm finally comfortable and may even be (dare I say it?) hitting my stride here in NYC.

The thing that makes me the happiest, though?

I haven't seen a cockroach in two weeks :-D

Love,
Tara

And Nothing Will Be Impossible Unto You

Monday, February 22, 2010
8:49 PM  Matthew 17:20 (I know. I surprised myself.)

At the risk of writing yet another sappy and sentimental blog post... I'm writing another sappy and sentimental blog post.  If you can't stomach it, feel free to stop reading now.  Seriously.  It's okay.  Even I cringe sometimes when I read these.

But while I was on the train going up to Boston the other day, I was checking Twitter on my phone, and I came across a quote.  I follow TheDailyLove, which sends these random inspirational quotes out into the void, and one just really struck me.  Struck me so much I can't really remember it (ha), but it had to do with putting all of your faith into the Universe or God or whatever it is you believe in. 

And, as you know, I'd been having a tough week at work.  And I'd been having a tough week personally because of (I'll admit it) Valentine's Day.  And believe me when I say I truly HATE that Valentine's Day bothered me because I truly HATE when single people are all single and bitter about a day that celebrates Love. But that is how I found myself last week.  Single, and bitter about it.

So, I'm stuck on this train that's running and hour and a half late after a really long, hard week, and I thought, 'Okay, FINE.'  It wasn't an angry "fine," it was more of an exasperated, okay-you-win "fine."  I'll do it.  I'll just put all of my faith into the Universe.  I'm going to believe that everything is happening for a reason, and when I get frustrated or lonely or sad or lose hope for humanity, I will remember to have faith.

And I've decided I'm going to do this, this whole crazy having-faith-and-not-questioning-the-Universe thing, for three months.  Because, while putting a time limit on faith may not exactly seem like real faith, I'm still me.  And it makes me feel better to know I have a date when I can reassess and decide if this philosophy is working for me.  My biggest fear is that by completely letting go, I'll lose sight of the life goals I have for myself.  Right now I think of "having faith" as following blindly.  I hope that will change.

Anyway, stay tuned.  And have faith that I'll keep you posted...

BA DUM CHHHHH!

Anyone?  Anyone?

Love,
Tara

Home Again

Sunday, February 21, 2010
9:20 PM  Boston.

In honor of Stephanie's 21st birthday, I am in Boston this weekend.  As I write this, she is sitting on her bed, deleting unattractive pictures of herself from her camera.  I don't really feel like blogging.  I'm faking it.  (Sorry, does that ruin it for you?)  But I told myself I would blog on all the days I have off from work, and this day is one of them.  One of the few.  You know the story.

Anyway, because I'm an awesome sister and because I SO needed a break, I took a train from NYC to Boston yesterday after work.  I wound up getting into Boston at 10:30 (an hour and a half later than planned) because the train was running late, but as soon as I stepped out into the cool night air by Back Bay Station I was giddy.  Seriously.  Like a child.  There's something about Boston that makes me want to kiss every drunk sorority girl, homeless man, and Red Sox fan I see.

And so I've spent the past 24 hours feeling more relaxed and happy than I've felt in a long time.  I don't know if it's the good memories I associate with this place or the city itself, but I need to live here again someday.  NEED.

And when I'm a huge, successful writer I'll be able to live anywhere I want, so I think that works quite nicely.

Love,
Tara

Reminder

Thursday, February 18, 2010
8:49 PM  Blurg.

Today I had the day off, so Dad and Kaitlyn came to visit me here in NYC.  It was the nicest day I've had in a long time.  So, naturally I ended it by starting to cry at dinner.  I started crying over... nothing.  I was telling some story about this guy who was rude to me at the post office over a week ago, and then I lost it.  The truth is there are a lot of little things (stressors, obstacles, problems) that happen every day now that I'm living on my own and working at a new job that apparently build up.  And somehow I manage to ignore them until I'm with my family again, and I suddenly lose it.

I think when you're in a stressful situation, you automatically go into "survival mode."  You can't fully think about how tired, stressed, frustrated, lonely you are because if you do, you won't function.  So, while you're kind of aware of it, you push it out of your head and just keep swimming.  It isn't until you're around the people that truly know you and love you, that all those feelings come rushing out and over onto your pumpkin risotto.  And I think I tend to be hard on myself because, let's face it, I'm lucky.  I have a job.  I have an apartment.  Things could be SO much worse.  So I get angry at myself when I start to feel overwhelmed or lonely because who am I to complain when I have so many good things in my life?  I get mad that I let "weak" emotions affect me.  I have a great job... I should be happy most of the time.

And it's really not that I'm unhappy, because I'm not.  For the most part, I'm happy.  But almost every day I am looked down upon and condescended to and made to feel very small...and it's wearing on me.  Especially when I don't have my family to come home to at the end of the day.  Because all I really want at the end of every day is for someone to hug me and tell me it will be okay.

I know it will be okay.

It's just nice to have someone there to remind you.

Love,
Tara

Recipe for Disaster

Wednesday, February 10, 2010
10:07 PM  Oy vey...

Recipe for Disaster

Ingredients:

- 1 First Night Off After a Seven-Day Work Week
- 1 Open Bar at The Empire Hotel
- 0 Dinner
- 1 Pair of Gladiator Heels and a Bangin' Dress
- 1 22-year-old Girl Who Wants Her Co-Workers to Like Her

Mix ingredients with a drink stirrer and pour.  Best served with Gatorade and several Tylenol.  May result in a hangover, foot-in-mouth syndrome, and/or flashbacks to regrettable college frat parties.

Love,
Tara

Bring It.

Sunday, February 7, 2010
3:56 PM No, I didn't have today off.

I don’t have today off and I’m exhausted and I’ve got to be to Mike’s apartment in an hour, but I just need to express myself (…that last part reminds me of a 13-year-old version of myself – Can’t you just let me have my feelings???). Anyway, I have to say that I’ve found that living in New York has made me more assertive. I don’t know if it’s the new job or the city or living on my own or what, but something has changed. I mean, don’t get me wrong… I wasn’t exactly shy or reserved before, but this is different. Maybe it’s that “No Bullshit” policy I talked about in my list of New Year’s resolutions. Whatever it is… I kind of like it.

Example: Last night I was running the elevators for this show that I work at that airs live on Saturday nights (eh, eh?) and a guy in the stand-by line got out of line and started to mouth off. To me. I’ve never had kids of my own, but in that moment I think I got a taste of what it feels like to be a parent disciplining her child in front of her other children. All the other kids are watching you to see what you’re going to do, and it’s a make it or break it moment – you either earn their respect or lose it entirely. I won’t go into details, but I shamed him and sent him to the back of the line so fast he looked visibly shocked. I guess you don’t expect a little girl in a skirt to put you in your place, but I did, and I left the whole line wide-eyed and silent. And well-behaved. I didn’t have another problem the rest of the night.

And then there was the cable guy last week. He was sloppy, he was late, he was in a bad mood. But I was in a worse mood because he was sloppy and late and completely unprofessional. I’ll top your mood any day, trust me. So he comes in and tells me he’s going to install one box. I tell him I ordered two. He tells me I didn’t. And guess what? I don’t like when people tell me what I did and did not do. I told him to check the order. Of course, I was correct. He told me he only brought one box. I told him he better find one. And guess what? Magically, a second one appeared.

And finally, there’s my landlord. Oh, Julio. Why you won’t hire a freaking exterminator to come to my apartment building I don’t know. But I do know two things:

(NOTE: Are you guys sick of hearing about my cockroach problem yet? Are you? Really? You know what I’m sick of? HAVING COCKROACHES.)

1.) I am not paying for an exterminator. Especially for the entire building (because they’re totally coming in from other apartments). By New York Law, he is required to pay for an exterminator and take care of any infestations. I looked it up. Unfortunately, he’s allowed to deal with the situation himself, rather than call an exterminator, which means he rolls in with a can of Raid every time I call him.

2.) I am going to make his life miserable until I get an exterminator. Now, I call him every SINGLE time I see a cockroach. Daily, nightly, afternoonly (?). Whatever it takes. I am now in the habit of coming home at night, killing a cockroach, and calling Julio. It’s the Come, Kill, Call Routine. And I like it. You don’t want to call an exterminator? That’s fine. Because you can look forward to daily calls from me instead. BRING IT ON.

I’m realizing now that this may seem like a pretty angry blog post. And that’s the best part… I’m not angry! In all of the examples I gave, I was actually extremely polite and never, ever raised my voice. I smiled when the standby guy was being a jerk. I winked at the cable guy when that second cable box magically appeared. In the voicemail I just left for Julio, I wished him a "Happy Superbowl" and said that I was so looking forward to seeing him again this week. And I’ll continue to do just that.

After all, you know what they say…

Kill ‘em with kindness.

Love,
Tara

Home is Where the Heart Is (and by "heart" I mean "free food")

Tuesday, February 2, 2010
3:11 PM  Groundhog Day

Home again, home again jiggity jig...  A very wise woman named Mother Goose once said those words after going to market to buy a fat pig.  As a vegetarian I find I can't relate, but I like the rhyme scheme, and I can't help but do a little jig every time I come home (my mother can attest to this as I was just doing a jig in the Evergreen Walk parking lot this afternoon).  Anyway, the point is, I'm home.  By some miracle I managed to get Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday off (I was assured this would never happen again), so I jumped at the chance to spend a few days at home.  I don't like the feeling of not knowing when I'll get home again, so I'm trying to squeeze every ounce of home time I can get out of these few days, including taking a very early train back to NYC tomorrow, just so I can spend an extra night here.

Unfortunately, the world doesn't stop just because I come home (though it should), so Mom, Dad, and Kaitlyn have still had to go to work and school, though Mom managed to take part of today off to buy me things.  I don't mind being home alone though... simply being in a roach-free environment is enough to make me want to lick the base boards.  Compared to my apartment, the kitchen here is STOCKED, and the basic cable I just got in New York pales in comparison to the home package which includes Bravo and E! and the Food Network.  Watching those channels is like reuniting with long lost friends.  I'd also been putting off doing laundry in New York (I believe my words were, "You mean I have to lug my dirty laundry two blocks, sit there and watch it wash and dry, and then lug it back???"), so all I packed to come home with was dirty laundry.  Literally.  The morning after the SNL gig, I got up and folded loads of dirty laundry to fit into one giant suitcase.  Dad suspects this was my real reason for coming home.

But whether it's the laundry or the television or the free food that I used to complain we never had enough of, it's good to be back. I kind of wish I wasn't going back to NYC.

Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you got till it's gone? (FYI: Another very wise woman named Joni Mitchell said that.)

Love,
Tara