Monday, May 31, 2010
2:55 PM Put up a parking lot.
I’ve been feeling kind of homesick lately. Today is better than yesterday was, but I think that since the weather has turned all summery, and because I’m used to spending my summers at home, it’s been worse lately.
Because I have today off, and all I really want to do is run errands with my mom around Glastonbury and come home and have a cook out with my family. Maybe meet Eliz at Whole Foods for a little while. Go with Steph to bring Kaitlyn lunch at the toy store. Hang around with my friends at Plan B later tonight.
A year ago I was living at home, desperately trying to find a job. They say you don’t know what you got till it’s gone, but even though I didn’t know if I’d ever get a job and move out, I always knew what I had.
I’m not trying to be depressing. I’m just tired of being away.
Love,
Tara
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
"I can watch a sunset on my own."
Sunday, May 30, 2010
7:58 PM From where dirt used to be.
Today I went to Central Park and the movie theater by myself. I’ve found I tend to not do things if I have no one to do them with, and today, on the first Sunday I’ve had off in a long time when I wasn’t too tired or too hungover, I decided to break the habit.
I wish I could tell you that I truly appreciated the time I got to spend with myself as I wandered the streets of New York City or sat alone in Central Park or alone in the movie theater. I’d like to be able to write this as an enlightened, self-confident woman who knows that at the end of the day she only needs herself.
But the truth is, spending the whole day alone was, well, lonely.
But I am proud of myself for doing what I wanted to do today, regardless of whether I had someone to do it with or not.
This was just one day. I don’t have to be enlightened yet. Just gotta keep the faith.
Love,
Tara
7:58 PM From where dirt used to be.
Today I went to Central Park and the movie theater by myself. I’ve found I tend to not do things if I have no one to do them with, and today, on the first Sunday I’ve had off in a long time when I wasn’t too tired or too hungover, I decided to break the habit.
I wish I could tell you that I truly appreciated the time I got to spend with myself as I wandered the streets of New York City or sat alone in Central Park or alone in the movie theater. I’d like to be able to write this as an enlightened, self-confident woman who knows that at the end of the day she only needs herself.
But the truth is, spending the whole day alone was, well, lonely.
But I am proud of myself for doing what I wanted to do today, regardless of whether I had someone to do it with or not.
This was just one day. I don’t have to be enlightened yet. Just gotta keep the faith.
Love,
Tara
Monday, May 24, 2010
Confucius say what?
Monday, May 24, 2010
7:40 PM How fortunate.
Now that I'm nearing the end of my first assignment, I'm noticing a pattern of things I do that help me get through the 12-hour days. I didn't become aware of these habits until recently, but now that I've noticed a few of my survival techniques, I can't stop! It's kind of funny how we learn to cope with the challenges life throws at us without fully being aware we're doing it.
The first thing I do when I arrive at 30 Rock around 6 in the morning is glance over at the ice skating rink, which has now transformed into the rink bar. There usually aren't many people around that early in the morning, and it's kind of peaceful knowing I have the plaza all to myself. Across the street I can see the bright windows of 'The Today Show,' where PAs are setting up. I take many long, deep breaths trying to capture the calm of that moment.
When I open the door leading to the floor of my office, everything is dark, but all the lights are motion-sensitive, so they begin the click on one-by-one as I walk down the hall. My new favorite thing to do is to raise my arms as if I'm making the lights come on by magic. It's silly, but I crack myself up every single time.
Usually nobody else gets to the office until close to 7, so I have almost an hour all by myself. For that hour, I usually listen to KISS 95.7, my hometown radio station, online. The voices of the hosts of the morning talk show are familiar to me, and it reminds me of driving around Glastonbury. The background on my computer at work is one of the buildings surrounding the Boston Harbor. I like the familiar.
The days themselves are often relatively stressful, and just a few weeks into my assignment I realized I was never smiling. In fact, I was often kind of frowning. I read in a magazine once that even if you're not happy, if you make the motion of smiling, the muscle movement releases some kind of happy-hormone. I don't know if it's true, but if you ever walk quietly around the corner to my desk, you'll catch me smiling eerily at my computer screen over and over again.
My sister Kaitlyn told me about this great website 1000awesomethings.com and it truly is, well, awesome. If I ever have a spare moment, I'll click through some of the postings. I always find something that makes me smile (real smile, not fake smile.).
And finally, this isn't so much a pattern as it is a constant reminder, but I have a fortune taped to the top of my computer. I've been collecting the little papers that come inside fortune cookies for years now, but I found this one in my pocket one day and decided to keep it at work. It says "The one who would be constant in happiness must frequently change." At first, I liked it but didn't think it was especially applicable to my current situation, given that I would be at the assignment for three months. But I've come to realize it does apply: as much as I think I would have been content to stay on the tour route with my friends, the simple fact is I probably would have gotten bored and become unhappy. This assignment was a necessary change that has taught me a lot, and in two weeks everything will change again, and I'll start on the next phase. We can't stay forever as we are. But when we're presented with a challenging change, it's the little things we do that get us through.
Love,
Tara
7:40 PM How fortunate.
Now that I'm nearing the end of my first assignment, I'm noticing a pattern of things I do that help me get through the 12-hour days. I didn't become aware of these habits until recently, but now that I've noticed a few of my survival techniques, I can't stop! It's kind of funny how we learn to cope with the challenges life throws at us without fully being aware we're doing it.
The first thing I do when I arrive at 30 Rock around 6 in the morning is glance over at the ice skating rink, which has now transformed into the rink bar. There usually aren't many people around that early in the morning, and it's kind of peaceful knowing I have the plaza all to myself. Across the street I can see the bright windows of 'The Today Show,' where PAs are setting up. I take many long, deep breaths trying to capture the calm of that moment.
When I open the door leading to the floor of my office, everything is dark, but all the lights are motion-sensitive, so they begin the click on one-by-one as I walk down the hall. My new favorite thing to do is to raise my arms as if I'm making the lights come on by magic. It's silly, but I crack myself up every single time.
Usually nobody else gets to the office until close to 7, so I have almost an hour all by myself. For that hour, I usually listen to KISS 95.7, my hometown radio station, online. The voices of the hosts of the morning talk show are familiar to me, and it reminds me of driving around Glastonbury. The background on my computer at work is one of the buildings surrounding the Boston Harbor. I like the familiar.
The days themselves are often relatively stressful, and just a few weeks into my assignment I realized I was never smiling. In fact, I was often kind of frowning. I read in a magazine once that even if you're not happy, if you make the motion of smiling, the muscle movement releases some kind of happy-hormone. I don't know if it's true, but if you ever walk quietly around the corner to my desk, you'll catch me smiling eerily at my computer screen over and over again.
My sister Kaitlyn told me about this great website 1000awesomethings.com and it truly is, well, awesome. If I ever have a spare moment, I'll click through some of the postings. I always find something that makes me smile (real smile, not fake smile.).
And finally, this isn't so much a pattern as it is a constant reminder, but I have a fortune taped to the top of my computer. I've been collecting the little papers that come inside fortune cookies for years now, but I found this one in my pocket one day and decided to keep it at work. It says "The one who would be constant in happiness must frequently change." At first, I liked it but didn't think it was especially applicable to my current situation, given that I would be at the assignment for three months. But I've come to realize it does apply: as much as I think I would have been content to stay on the tour route with my friends, the simple fact is I probably would have gotten bored and become unhappy. This assignment was a necessary change that has taught me a lot, and in two weeks everything will change again, and I'll start on the next phase. We can't stay forever as we are. But when we're presented with a challenging change, it's the little things we do that get us through.
Love,
Tara
Sunday, May 23, 2010
True story.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
7:40 PM "In the Sun" by Michael Stipe & Coldplay
The other day I was bumming about a this guy I went on a couple dates with who suddenly stopped calling, when Kaitlyn sent me the following email. The girl's wisdomosity truly surprises me sometimes. When did she get this mature?? I was just clicking through her Senior Ball photos on Facebook, and it's amazing to me how OLD she is. I wonder if 17-year-olds really do have everything figured out...
Kaitlyn to me
May 21 (2 days ago)
Almost never good, Hemingway
And the reason why is that he's completely stupid! Don't give him a second thought!!! I'm serious. Every time you start to think it over and get all girly and gormany and analyze every text you ever sent him, just think about.... cats.... or read a magazine..... give yourself a pedicure?? Just think of something you can focus on instead. If women could understand the brains of man we'd have solved all the world's issues by now. You'll never know why he's a complete f*cktard so don't give it a second thought!
You're too hot for that. True story.
Love,
Tara
7:40 PM "In the Sun" by Michael Stipe & Coldplay
The other day I was bumming about a this guy I went on a couple dates with who suddenly stopped calling, when Kaitlyn sent me the following email. The girl's wisdomosity truly surprises me sometimes. When did she get this mature?? I was just clicking through her Senior Ball photos on Facebook, and it's amazing to me how OLD she is. I wonder if 17-year-olds really do have everything figured out...
Kaitlyn to me
May 21 (2 days ago)
Almost never good, Hemingway
And the reason why is that he's completely stupid! Don't give him a second thought!!! I'm serious. Every time you start to think it over and get all girly and gormany and analyze every text you ever sent him, just think about.... cats.... or read a magazine..... give yourself a pedicure?? Just think of something you can focus on instead. If women could understand the brains of man we'd have solved all the world's issues by now. You'll never know why he's a complete f*cktard so don't give it a second thought!
You're too hot for that. True story.
Love,
Tara
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
"I'm good. I've just been up for three days."
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
6:47 PM "Yeah, no, I'm all about different."
Okay, so I never took the opportunity to brag on my blog about how AMAZING the SNL season finale was last weekend and how I was IN THE STUDIO for part of the show (including Weekend Update and a Tom Petty performance) and how I saw SO many famous people ("Oh, hi Bobby! Great show!") and how I was at the After After party until 8:30 in the morning.
But bragging is unattractive, so I'm not going to do that here. Instead, I'm going to share some of my favorite clips. If you haven't seen these yet, you need to.
Love,
Tara
6:47 PM "Yeah, no, I'm all about different."
Okay, so I never took the opportunity to brag on my blog about how AMAZING the SNL season finale was last weekend and how I was IN THE STUDIO for part of the show (including Weekend Update and a Tom Petty performance) and how I saw SO many famous people ("Oh, hi Bobby! Great show!") and how I was at the After After party until 8:30 in the morning.
But bragging is unattractive, so I'm not going to do that here. Instead, I'm going to share some of my favorite clips. If you haven't seen these yet, you need to.
Love,
Tara
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
"I Like My Hair!"
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
6:48 PM Typical Tuesday...
The video below makes me feel better about... everything. Seriously. TRY not to smile.
I think I need to take a page out of Jessica's book.
Love,
Tara
6:48 PM Typical Tuesday...
The video below makes me feel better about... everything. Seriously. TRY not to smile.
I think I need to take a page out of Jessica's book.
Love,
Tara
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