It's Not You, It's Me.

Monday, November 15, 2010
8:56 PM  ...and that includes you.

As I near the end of my month-long eHarm experiment, I've been trying to think about what my take-away will be.  What's the moral of the story?  The message, the theme, the reason?  So far, the main thing I've realized is this: If over 200 guys are interested in you and want to get to know you and maybe start a relationship with you, and you can't find ONE that you would consider dating?  Honey, it's not them - it's YOU.

I realized this like a week ago, but I couldn't figure out WHY I didn't like any of these guys.  What was wrong with me??  I don't come from a broken home.  I have a great relationship with my father.  I'm not secretly in love with an ex or pining after a male friend, so WHAT was my deal?? 

It wasn't until just now, as I was eating dinner in bed while watching 'The Office,' that it struck me.  I saw the clip below, where Jim talks to Dwight about heartbreak, and started to tear up mid-chew.



I imagine we all deal with heartbreak at some time in our lives, and, now that I think about it, there are few greater personal tragedies than that one.  My own personal heartbreak was years ago, but recently I've watched my sister go through it for the first time, and in trying to be of some sort of sisterly help to her, all those awful feelings have come rushing back.

I remember what it's like to feel helpless.  To feel lost.  To feel just so sad to your very core.  To wonder if you will ever feel better, normal, and to know on some level that you probably won't for a very long time.

And while every chick-flick will tell you that love is worth all the heartbreak that came before it, I just can't bring myself to consider it right now.

I'm happy with they way things are.  I'm enough.

I don't ever want to find myself crying in a stairwell again.

Love,
Tara